*the good and the bad*

Things had been going good around here for once, until tonight :(
To start off with the good: Delilah's dr called me with her EEG results and it is normal so she is not having seizures (without convulsions), which is a relief and her official Upper GI reading said that she refluxed twice during the test but it was very minimal (still not enough that it could be the cause of the breathing difficulty.) I took her to her first Physical Therapist appointment on Monday and they did confirm that she has congenital torticollis and plagiocephaly (which is a flat spot on her right side that has caused her skull to malform and come more forward on the right side then on the left side. Her right ear comes more forward as well as her forehead is slightly protruded on the right side.) I was surprised to hear that she has plagiocephaly because I thought her head was pretty round and I never noticed it until the therapist pointed it out to me. I have to take her once a week for 3 weeks for therapy and do exercises at home to help her strengthen her neck muscles and alleviate the tension on the right side of her neck. I also have to increase her tummy time to 1 hr per day. For a baby that HATES tummy time this seems like a ton to me, but we have to do what we have to do. The therapist is pretty confident that the torticollis and plagioclephy will improve greatly with the exercises and repositioning her while she sleeps. Also, the last cyanosis episode was a full 16 days ago which is the longest time she has gone between episodes.

Now the bad: She broke that 16 day streak tonight. About 11:00 pm while I was getting ready for bed her alarm sounded that she had stopped breathing. We rushed in there and she started breathing right away but I did notice a small amount of blue on her lips only. Sometimes I seriously feel like we need one of those signs that say "Its been ____ days without an accident". I could fill it in every day with a dry erase marker.... hmmm... maybe that will be my next craft! Ok, I wont really do that but it just gets so frustrating! We have had numerous tests and nothing is giving us any answers! We go in on Friday for her Brain MRI, which she has to be under general anesthesia for and as it gets closer I'm getting more and more nervous. I know there are risks for adults to "go under" but I'm sure those risks increase for a almost 4 month old baby who stops breathing all on her own. All I can think of is what if something happens, and or what if something happens and the test showed nothing and I agreed to put her through that. I know I shouldn't think that way and I'm sure things will all go as planned and Primary Children's is a great hospital, but can you really blame me for thinking it?! Shes my little girl, I worry about what color her poop is so why wouldn't I worry about her going under general anesthesia?!!! Scott has got the day off to go with me to her MRI so at least I wont be sitting there worried by myself. Hes usually pretty good at calming me down, or at least he tries. As you all know I'm a pretty anxious person by nature and not knowing whats wrong with my precious baby girl is multiplying that anxiety by 1000. I cant sleep, I'm always worried about one thing or another and for some reason i just cant see the bright side of things right now. I just need an answer.

Sorry to everyone for my rant.... sometimes you just need to get some things out.....